Gratitude Journal - Week 9 - October 18, 2019

This week, I give gratitude toward three people.

To the person who told me that getting laid off would be the best thing that’s ever happened to me. 

Before joining the software company I currently work for, I was heading up communications for a pharmaceutical company for about 8 years. After acquiring a competitor for nearly $1 billion the company went into multiple rounds of headcount reductions to pay off the cost of the acquisition. I was part of round 2 of those layoffs and to say it was an emotional time would be a gross understatement. As you can imagine, I went through all the emotions that one would possibly go through. And as I was in my 20s, I didn’t know any better and took it personally. 

One of my colleagues at the time gave me some advice that he thought would be helpful, but it stung: that the lay off would be the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Also, that I will likely experience it again. He also reminded me that it’s not personal. It’s just business. At the time, I honestly wanted to tell him to f*#k off and that he had no idea what he was talking about. Years later, I would come to realize not only that his advice was helpful, but that it was 100 percent correct. 

I was laid off on June 29th, exactly 3 days after my birthday, and decided to spend the rest of the summer relaxing and figuring out my next move. I also had an 8 month old at home who was more than delighted to have mommy back. 

By the Fall, I made my next move. I joined the software company that would eventually be my home for 13 years and counting. The place I work now isn’t perfect, but it’s pretty damn close and one of the best places to work in the world. If I hadn’t been laid off, I wouldn’t be where I am today. That first company ended up failing miserably and even getting delisted off the stock exchange.

To the person who told me that while breaking up is hard to do, not breaking up can be worse.

No one wants to be in a relationship that is not fulfilling for either party. That said, every situation can be complex; particularly if you have kids together. In my case, I was struggling with the worry of how my marriage break up would affect my kids. I thought perhaps it was better to stay together for the sake of the kids, at least until they were old enough to leave home. But then again, kids - regardless of age - are very attuned to the energy around them, particularly coming from their parents. They can tell when parents are unhappy and I couldn’t imagine having them go through their formative years with a melancholy energy around them. 

One day, one of my college pals who I lost touch with for a while suddenly reached out. It was really out of the blue and unexpected but her timing was incredible. It was as if the universe was plugged into my emotional struggles at the time and reconnected me with an angel who brought a much-needed perspective. Over the course of a year, she shared with me her observations of growing up in a household with parents who were not fulfilled in their marriage and how it impacted her significantly. I took much of what she counselled to heart as it was an agonizing decision for my ex and I to make. 

Now looking back, I’m actually grateful for her counsel as my ex and I have moved on from each other and are in much more fulfilling relationships now. We’re much happier, and the kids are well adjusted thanks to a strong partnership to raise them as best we can across the two households. While it was the toughest decision in our lives, it was the right one for us at the end of the day.

One more note about this person. I truly believe that things happen for a reason and people come and go for a reason. A couple years following my split, she passed away from cancer. It was devastating to all who knew and loved her, and I was beyond grateful for the time I got to spend with her. She was meant to give me a gift of renewal: the perspective I needed to grab another chance at living a more fulfilled life. 

To the person who got me to think outside the box.

When I was young, I’d imagine myself with a guy who checked all the boxes. It wasn’t until after my divorce of such a guy that I realized how naive I was.

When I was single again and back in the dating pool, one of my girlfriends suggested that I date outside my comfort zone. For someone as Type A as I am, that  idea was completely against everything I believed in. 

What I failed to realize in that moment was an important lesson in life - to have fun. To experience relationships with people you least expect to be with and it can teach you so much about yourself.

While I never ended up with any of the guys outside my box, it did teach me to simply enjoy the moment. And enjoy just being me.